guys only want one...good conversation

upon approaching 3 girls at a party

boy: so what are your names?
3 girls: [answer]
boy: where are you from?
3 girls: [answer]
boy: how do you all know each other?
3 girls: [discuss amongst themselves their connections]
boy: oh fuck this shit

anger management 101

girl: god, sometimes i wish i could just kick a little kid. you know, when they come up to about knee height. kabam! anyone?

irony is totally the new stay at home dad

(while mopping the floor)

boy: look, i dont appease people. i WILL NOT demasculate myself within an inch of my life.

but do the herpes have syphilis?

girl: you're going to be sleeping with bugs and herpes. whatever, its going to be cheap.

amen.

dude: go forth and have a meaningful day.

geography major?

girl 1: do any girls even dip?
girl 2: he said it's a more sweet tasting Swedish dip. so i guess it's popular with a lot of girls in Switzerland.

ay carumba

08 boy: if you didn't know he was gay before, just listen to him speak spanish

Pearls of 09 wisdom

Cames Jaballero: stupid fucking broads

Intrests: Having a quality time
Favorite Quote: "I don't give a fuck if there's police out there/I don't give a fuck if it's snowing/I just need you out there hoeing"

Balanced Diet

07 girl: so when i'm at dartmouth, i binge on the sandwich, chips, pickle, fro-yo deal. but when i'm home, i totally stick to mustard.

good night good luck

girl: we used to makeout with pillows...but we never performed oral sex on them

Fat lip

girl: it's campus news that she's the make out bandit biter

Get out much?

girl 1: was she foreign?
girl 2: no, she was blonde

Yayo for Rush

concerning Kappa initiation

new pledge: i bet my big sister will just make me do 5 lines and run around in my underwear

What a cut of meat from the thigh of a hog

turning to the guy next in line

girl in FC: excuse me, what's ham?

Atrophied Muscle Car

Guy (looking at newspaper): Is that a Camaro? It's so ugly.
Girl: That's a Buick.

originality sin

(as pitched to the d)

heff sterbert: so i have this fantastic idea where i record what i overhear awk randos say heehee YAY!

stick with drugs

boy: there are those friends that you hug...and then those that you hug LONGER

Reality TV

08 rocker: so i bought a tv the other day. i figured it'd help me get a boyfriend.

sleeping your way to the top?

08 kappa: yea so like I think it would be totally great to be like PRESIDENT
girl: i didnt know you were into politics
08 kappa: No haha! like of Kappa!

b-side

(upon staring at the oddly shorn tree)

guy 1: i dont get what happened to the christmas tree
guy 2: yea dude, its a total hanukkah bush